There it was staring me right in the face. Jealously. And it was my reflection I was seeing. Ugh and gross. Nasty. It was definitely not something I was proud of. But standing there that day and seeing what I was really struggling with caused something very important to rise up in me, resolution.
Being a stay-at-home mom for 17 years and a homeschooling mom for 11, I have, for the most part, been able to focus on raising our children and teaching them. I have had other little jobs, here and there, to make additional income, but only occasionally. Staying at home is exactly what I always wanted to do and I consider it a privilege to get to homeschool our children.
But just recently I have seen a bit of resentment seeping in. While on our resent trip to Chicago our kids were kindly thanking their dad for bringing them on his work’s conference trip. It was very sweet and sincere. But Satan was hanging out trying to get my attention. He was whispering lies to me saying, “See they don’t even see you. No one appreciates all you do.”
Amid the busyness of Taylor’s meetings, trying to maneuver our kids through a big city, and not getting enough sleep, I was not thinking clearly. I did not even realize I was under attack. I knew I was not feeling like myself but I was totally missing the battle. Although quiet time would have been one solution to receive a head’s up about what was happening, it seemed impossible to accomplish in the situation...or so I thought.
It all shifted when our oldest, Mary Taylor, stepped up to the plate. We were at Navy Pier. Because we could not get into the restaurant we came to eat at for another 2 hours we decided to grab whatever we could get for our dinner. Our youngest, Elizabeth Jane, wanted McDonald’s and nobody else would even consider it. Since I was already in a full-fledged pity party, I took her. She was thrilled that she was getting to eat something she really wanted and hardly ever gets. Instead of being excited for her I was thinking of myself. I would “sacrifice” yet again. I would be the martyr.
We got our delicious, healthy meal from the Golden Arches and made our way to a table. While we were sitting there waiting for the others, Mary Taylor appeared with a bag from Starbucks. It might as well have been a crown of jewels for the impact that it had. She handed it to me and told me that she had gotten me something. I love gifts and always have. Just the bag and the thought might have been enough to break the cycle, but the gift in the bag blew it out of the water. I also love coffee. Some of my favorite coffee mugs are the Starbucks ones that have the pictures from different places on them. I had commented a LONG time ago that it would be neat to get one when we went different places to remember our trips. In the bag was the Chicago mug. Mary Taylor did not realize it, but in that moment she punched Satan in the teeth.
Everything shifted. The cloud lifted and the sun shone through. It was God’s voice I began to hear. He began to talk to me about how it was all a lie. Not only did my husband and children appreciate me but they listen and care about the things that are important to me. At about 4:00 the next morning (the only quiet time in the day) God woke me up and began to talk to me about how much he cares for me. I did not get up or even move in the bed because I was certain somebody would try to get up with me. He began to remind me that even if no one else in the world did care, His care for me is enough. He also reminded me that if I am seeking someone else's opinion to determine my value it will be a miserable journey. He began to speak to the hurt places in my heart and tell me how He sees me all the time and loves me.
The same goes for you friends. He sees you. You are not alone and can never be alone as long as He is your Father. The things that are important to your heart are important to Him. He is pleased with you no matter what the enemy is trying to tell you. I pray for you today that if you are walking around with clouds hanging over you, that those clouds will part and the Son will shine through. Climb up in your Father’s lap and let him tell you the truth about the lies you have been hearing. You will never regret it!
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